Here are 3 tips to ensure your customers have a memorable experience being served by you.

1. The customer is ALWAYS wrong.

When meeting a customer, immediately go on defensive. You know what they say, best defense is offense, so fire away! Shoot them with defensive statements and treat them all like idiots who don’t have a brain. Go ahead, they deserve it!

2. Time is valuable, so do everything you can to get rid of your customer in the SHORTEST time possible.

If it can’t be solved in 3 mins, it’s not worth your time. Give short, curt answers. Keep looking anywhere but the customer to indicate they are boring you and that they should get lost. Give them a stupid, dead pan look when they present you a problem. Shrug your shoulders and give a condescending but sympathetic smile saying there’s nothing you can do. You get the idea. If all else fails, throw the rule book at them and tell them they either do it your way or the high way!

3. NEVER follow up on your customer/client.

Out of sight, out of mind they say. The moment they leave, just forget about them. If it’s important, they’ll holler and breath down your neck. In the meantime, no worries, be happy.

Don’t worry if at first no one seems to be complaining about your bad service. In an asian culture it might take a while before complaints rise to the surface. Maybe you need to go at it more aggresively. In the meantime, keep at it and rest assured, I guarantee you’ll have a steady stream of complaints which may eventually get you fired or bankrupt.

So there you go folks. Feel free to comment if you think I missed something.